WARNING: Aspies at Large.

When entering Aspie-Dar Park there are a few things you need to remember to keep you safe and our aspies happy. Follow these simple rules and you and your family can enjoy your time at Aspie-dar and have a day out to remember!

1. Approach aspies with caution. Most aspies are quite friendly but easily startled. If you want to approach them, keep in plain sight the whole time and don't make loud noises to attract their attention.

2. If you have inadvertently startled an aspie, they will usually run away and hide. Do not try to chase them and calm them down. If you see their hiding place, pretend you haven't and move on.

3. Sometimes, aspies will have unprovoked shows of anger. These are most often harmless and designed to show the gentle creature's inner torment. It is still a good idea to keep your distance as aspies can be unexpectedly energetic.

4. If it seems like one of the aspies is going to engage in aggressive behaviour with you, lie down on the floor, holding your stomach and shout 'diarrhea!' loudly and clearly, then clutch at the back of your pants. This will be enough to make the aspie back down and leave.

5. Often, you will see aspies milling about in small groups, near each other but not interacting. Do not try to push aspies together to see what happens. It results in a sad, flapping display where they try to frighten each other away without making eye contact.

6. If two aspies seem to be friendly, don't try to join them. They will draw together and create a force greater than themselves which allows no invasion.

7. If one of your children or elderly relatives wanders off and finds themselves amongst a group of aspies, try to signal them without making loud noises or extravagant movements. Usually, aspies are unaware of others in their midst and will pass by without incident. However, if you startle them, there may be a stampede.

8. Some of our visitors complain that their relatives try to join the aspies and don't want to leave the park. In these circumstances, we recommend using a rein so that you can keep a close eye on your relative. All our aspies are carefully sourced and integrated gradually. The sudden arrival of a new member will upset our aspies and might lead to a large-scale migration.

9. If you lose one of your relatives and suspect they have joined our aspies, let us know. Do not try to find them yourself as this can be socially awkward. We have had instances where relatives pretend not to know their family, just so they can stay with the aspies. They seem to prefer this simple life to going home with their loved ones. We don't yet understand why but are conducting studies. In the meantime, see number 8 above and exercise caution.

10. Do not feed the aspies. They have their own food supply, carefully organised and made to a very specific regimen. If you introduce new foods to them, we may have to re-set our whole feeding programme. This is time-consuming and expensive so please be considerate.

11. Very occasionally, we have an escape attempt. If you find an aspie has tagged on to your group, or is waiting in  your car to go home, pretend not to notice it and get the attention of Aspie-dar staff. Retrieving an aspie is a delicate process and must be done with extreme care, otherwise they will have to be left with you until they grow bored. Unless you are prepared to re-home a wild aspie, please keep a count of your group members and lock your vehicles.

12. Souvenirs: we will not allow the removal of locks of hair, clippings, clothes and other paraphernalia from our aspies. They are individuals with complex needs and cannot 'just get another one', if you take their possessions. This activity may result in aggressive behaviour, in which case number 4 (see above) would be useless. Since 2007, we have stopped intervening in aggressive incidents brought on by theft from our aspies, so please be aware we will stand idly by and let the aspie retrieve their property in any way they see fit.

13. Before entering the park and after leaving, do not stand at the fence and gawp at the wildlife. Our aspies are particularly sensitive to this and while they may not seem to have noticed, they will be very aware of you and may react imaginatively.

14. Any incidents outside our park boundaries are not in our control and have nothing to do with us or our legal representatives.

15. Aspie-dar Park is proud to be a happy and safe environment for wild aspies. Please respect our rules and let our aspies live freely here. Our last request would be to enjoy yourselves then tell your friends how wonderful our aspies are. We need support like yours to keep our lovely aspies where they can be safe and happy and where they belong!


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