Skip to main content

Mindset vs Meltdown

I was moaning on about not wanting to go to work. No, hang on, let me re-phrase that. Ahem. I was explaining to IT Teen why I was finding going back to work difficult. Fully aware that he sees it as moaning (and that it sounds like much the same thing to the untrained ear), I watched, eagerly, as it looked like he might give me some useful advice, rather than tell me off.

Head on one side he said, 'Instead of always looking for ways to escape why don't you change your mindset about what you have?'

After realising that he had played his usual double whammy of being right and also completely missing my angst, I considered this. I said,

'So, you mean I should try to cope with the life I have to live instead of running away?'

'Yes, that's what everybody does,' he replied.

I thought about this. Imagine, you stay where you are and deal with it, instead of haring off, the only clue you were ever there the spinning coffee cup on your desk. Who would have thought such a thing?

Yes, perhaps you detect sarcasm creeping in. I should say that this sarcasm is aimed at much at myself as IT. He is only saying what most people think. Even if they are sympathetic, you can bet they're wondering why you don't just deal with it. I've often wondered the same thing myself.

I'll say, 'Oh, come on Amanda, it's just a few hours and then you'll be home again. It's worth it to put food on the table/pay the car bill/de-flea the dog'. You know how it goes, trying to persuade yourself with real-life, important arguments when faced with a childish desire to disappear over the hills and far away.

What did strike me as important in IT's logic was the idea that you might be able to change your mindset to suit the situation. Not simply argue with yourself or make mental lists of why you need to do a thing, but actually change the way you think about it.

I've changed the way I think about other things; it's a part of growing older. I now know school can be a good place (sometimes), that I will not die in the drive-in car-wash (probably), that sloths are not creatures sent from the bowels of hell to (very slowly) take over the earthly realm. I've even learned that I don't need to change myself to be a real human being.

Can I change, or slightly tweak, my mindset to make the difficult parts of life easier? Is it very different from simple coping mechanisms? Is it even possible to change your mindset or are we stuck in what we are, just because our feelings keep us there?

I'm not sure but I would be interested to know if anyone has tried this and how successful it might have been. I sometimes think I've managed to alter my attitude to situations, but then it only takes a bad day, or a hateful word, and away I go again. Does this mean it's impossible to truly change your mind?

In the end, I am not sure if I want to change my mindset at all. I don't relish self-sabotaging, but I do now recognise a certain truth within it: if I have the desperate need to escape and be somewhere else, there is usually a good reason for it. Should I really be training myself to ignore those reasons?

Readers, over to you. Is it the mindset that we should aim for, as a way to avoid the meltdowns? Can we become people who go beyond coping in stressful situations? Can we (I hesitate) be in full control of ourselves?


My books and writing blog, with free stuff.
Find me on Facebook.and Twitter!

Popular posts from this blog

Spotting an aspie adult

Have you ever wondered how to spot an aspie adult, at a distance, without having to get too close? It would be so convenient, wouldn't it? To be able to detect the aspieness before you are drawn in, before there is any danger of becoming part of their mad world and waking up one morning, trying to work out where it all went wrong and what happened to all your socks.

Bearing in mind there are always exceptions that prove the rule, here is what you should look for.

In the supermarket I often wonder if I have spotted a fellow aspie. Walking along the aisles, it's easier to people watch than shop, usually because I've forgotten what I need. The supermarket is a good open space where you can spot aspies as they grapple with the complex practicalities of staying alive by food shopping.

The walk: Yes, from a distance or as they pass by, the walk is a dead giveaway. It seems to veer towards extremes, either a fast paced booster effect from A to B, or a meandering wander with no vi…

A Guide to your Aspie

So, you have your new aspie and are wondering what to do with him/her. Depending on size and gender, some of these instructions may need to be followed with caution but we are confident that you will be able to get the best out of your aspie for many trouble-free years to come!

(Disclaimer: we are not responsible for any physical, emotional or financial harm that may come to you when following these instructions. Once unboxed, your aspie is not eligible for our guaranteed swappage and refurbishment policy. Please have a good look at the aspie through the window provided before unboxing).

1. Unbox carefully and without making physical contact with the aspie. Pull down the box using the flaps provided and allow them to step free by themselves.

2. Allow your aspie free rein, to explore their surroundings. For ease of capture, we recommend not unboxing in an area that is too large or too small. Open fields would not be suitable, unless you are a long distance runner. Small rooms are to b…

Your life, on screen...required viewing for aspies and friends

I come to you today a wiser woman. Aren't we always saying, how good it would be to see ourselves as the world sees us? Well, thanks to a new Japanese anime show, I did just that. For the first time in my life, I saw what I look like from the outside.

Readers, this is not a paid review or anything officially linked to the Watamote, the anime. This is purely my response to something which, hum, how can I put it? Well, if I tell you that I sat through the whole show, with an expression of horror and recognition on my face, would that tell you how it was?

IT Teen had told me to watch it. He bought the manga first, the Japanese version. He waved it in my face and said, 'This is about yoooo!' I remember scowling at the book cover, to find a edgily-drawn girl scowling back at me. Yes, already it was accurate.

IT told me that it's a 'slice of life' story, all about this socially awkward girl called Tomoko. I thought, well, yes, I am socially awkward but that doesn…