Girl on a Journey




So, we had drama last night. Bearing in mind other people involved have the internet and, I assume, can also read, I'll try to be careful what I say on here (come round for a cuppa and I'll tell you everything though).

IT Teen's girlfriend, IT Girl, decided things were going to badly at home that she wanted to move out this week. As she's only 16 this caused some fireworks, as you can imagine. Especially as she hadn't told her parents.

Plans were made and re-drawn, battle positions dug in, long, intricate conversations carried out under cover of Facebook messaging and Skype. By the time it came to a head yesterday evening, IT Teen and Girl had covered just about every angle. Until she broke and told her parents.

At which point, IT Teen was called in to face the music, no sorry, to have a discussion about it. I ferried him over there, hoping my chicken wouldn't dry out in the oven while the drama unfolded.

Once there, the horror of horrors happened and it turned out they wanted to talk to me too. Me! In the middle of a conflict! In the role of parent! I mean, I know I am a parent, obviously, but an adult parent, faced with other adult parents, in the centre of a dispute?

I want to tell you everything, I do but let's just put it this way: when I got in there, it soon became apparent I was not in the firing line. For some reason I was being looked to as the one who could resolve things.

(I leave a small break while we all contemplate the notion of me solving problems in a relationship rather than causing them).

Readers! Guess what, though! It turns out my own life experience and past suffering as a pressure-prone aspie were perfect for this situation.

I looked at the whole thing. IT Girl hunched in a corner while she was 'described' to me, along with all her faults. The voices permeating the darkened room as I was told what had happened. The fog of terror surrounding Girl as she realised she was the centre of attention, the one who had let everyone down, the one who needed to answer pointed and life-altering questions right now, right here and in full view of me as well as her family.

The horrible realisation that her answers were time-sensitive, that she must know what she wanted immediately and tell us without stumbling. Then each time she tried, she stumbled and was scolded and made to try again.

I sat there in this strange place, with people I had never met before and Girl in the corner, and felt the awful familiarity of her situation. It was like looking across the room and seeing myself at almost the same age, when I left school and things became so bad at home that I had to go and stay with my godmother in another city, just to get away from home and the accusing, disappointed, angry voices.

I waded in, under pretext of being a subtle and gentle person, and said perhaps Girl could have a break and make any life-changing decisions later, when she had had more time to think and was separate from the situation.

This was greeted with skepticism but as I was still in the role of Resolver, my opinion was taken on board without much argument. I pressed it home and padded it down while the conversation was trying to go elsewhere - all those years of diverting conversations comes in handy when you want to make sure one stays on track.

We now have an IT Girl in residence as well as a Teen. Watch this space for more developments or for my anxiety-receptors to suddenly realise we have Someone Else here.

For now, it all went as well as it could and I felt I had repaid that debt from years ago, when my younger self set out on the bus across country, not knowing if I could ever go home, just wanting to get away before my heart broke right in two.

I always wondered what my godmother thought as she received me into safety in tactful and loving silence. I guess now I know.

Amanda
  

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