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Showing posts from June, 2014

Joining the Dots - Seeing the Bigger Picture

I know I'm not just speaking for myself when I say that I spend a lot of time trying to work things out and thinking about what I have done, what other people have done and what on earth they might have been thinking while they were doing it. In other words, I've been trying to figure out the reasons behind people's actions.

By actions I include words, body language and any subtle (or not so subtle) expressions of feeling. Why do they do that? What did I do wrong? What should I have said? What did they mean?

All these questions parade across the aspie consciousness, like a beauty pageant without the ra-ra, waiting for me to pick the right one, the choice which makes sense of all the other entrants.

It just seems like it should be that simple, doesn't it? Other people seem to find it simple: in fact, they find communication so simple they insult people on purpose. Imagine it, readers, insulting people because you mean to! And when they get it wrong, they can figure out…

The Inescapable Meltdown

Strategies, tactics, kindness, understanding, soft words, hard words, hiding under the blanket and running, screaming into the fresh air where no one can reach you: we all have our ways of avoiding a meltdown. But sometimes they're just doomed to fail.

Firstly, understand that a meltdown does not have to be a slap in the face of your life, a shout into the wind or a banshee-shriek in the living room. A meltdown can be just as damaging if it is an implosion within you, buried so deep and so well that all the outside world sees is a slight widening of the eyes - and that's if anyone is looking.

The over-riding factor in any meltdown is the immense depth of feeling involved, combined with an inability to control it. You can be out of control without moving, speaking or giving any outward sign of eruption. Or you can be beating the walls and tearing holes in the carpet, at which point even the most positive-minded of your relatives would admit you were having a problem.

So this v…

The Paralysis of Fear

Saying and doing the wrong things are both familiar and terrifying to me. You would think after so many years of opening my mouth and letting fly the Monkeys of No-Tact that I might be used to it by now. Or even more used to that feeling of letting people down by either not noticing what needs to be done or scuttling off rather than doing it.

You get to a point where saying and doing nothing is preferable to doing it wrong.

I've been scolded time and again by reasonable, right-minded people who say that efforts made to do it right are worth any possible mistakes and that speaking your mind is a good thing. I agree; honesty is always best and people mess up, so why the big deal? Why do I worry so much?

Well, it's the Fear.

It's not simply worry, or dread of yet another mistake. I can live with accidentally offending someone or even forgetting their birthday (sorry in advance). What I can't abide is the freezing, paralysing, stultifying fear which arrives at the very mo…

Condemned by Criticism

Criticism is very rarely constructive, whatever people say. One person's helpful advice is another person's ruined day. And then there's the kind of criticism which comes dressed as a joke - 'Oh, I didn't mean your picture really looked like a 5 year old did it! I was just being funny!' Ha ha.

I think there is a whole world of difference between those who criticise but couch it in soft, glowing terms to make it seem good and those who blurt out a criticism and look immediately abashed, never having meant to hurt your feelings (that would be me, half the time).

The ones who make the criticism soft and welcoming, who bring it to you under the guise of a Helpful Thing, they are the tongue of the snake, readers. They pretend it is a friendly act, a way to help you, to make your life better, to stop you from making the same dreadful mistake again. You'll thank them for it, one day.

And the worst of it is that they do stop you doing it again and they do have an …