I know a lot of this blog is written so that non-aspies can understand the aspie in their life, without always having to wonder what their best beloved is thinking or feeling or doing. Okay, that being said, what is so wrong with being incomprehensible? Why do we feel the need to be understood? Why do we care?
Frankly, I think it's time to set down our tools and take a break from making the world understand us. Who cares? Why should we need to open ourselves up so that other people can go away happy, understanding us more and seeing our reasons for being as we are?
Why should it matter that I don't want to go out today? Why should you care that I don't want to go to work? Why do I have to explain what I meant when I said what I said? Why do I have to explain that I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, when I have explained before?
Why do we have to be comprehended? What is so wrong with being mysteries? And who does it really benefit if we make ourselves understood?
I suppose it comes down to belonging and wanting people to understand. Wanting them not to point the finger or raise an eyebrow. Wanting them to take us in, just as we are, even when we don't make any sense. At the same time as being on the outskirts, we want to feel that we could be right in the centre, if we liked.
We want to be able to walk unaccosted through society and sometimes feel as other people feel. We want it to all be usual and ordinary when we speak, to be unnoticed when we act. We want to know what to do in the first place, without having to ask.
We don't want the drama of an unexplained word or deed. We don't want the aggravation of yet more tears. We in no way want to work out why our actions resulted in a wholly unusual situation.
We just want it all to be fiiiiine.
And so we explain and help people understand. We set in place a route for others to follow, so they don't get left behind. We hope that when words fail us, we won't be left standing alone, shoulders hunched and face contorted as we face Life right in the eye.
Today, though, I want to be a mystery. I don't want to explain and muster patience for the foibles of the uninitiated. I want to be just as I am, no instructions, no downloadable manual, no walkthrough, no hints and cheats or spoiler alerts.
And if anyone is confused, they can go find some other route to follow or find their own way of keeping up.