I'm sorry that you're sad



I'm sorry I didn't realise you were sad. It's not that I don't care or that you hid it too well; it's more because it is your sadness instead of mine, so I missed it.

I'm sorry I didn't realise the shape of your face had altered in those subtle, tangible ways which mean you have been crying and are hiding it. I didn't see your tears so I didn't see you had been crying and I even shared a joke with you. I didn't realise you could be sad and still share a joke.

I'm sorry I didn't notice your whole life fell apart while I passed you by. I did notice you passing by, I did think how pale you were and how focused on the road ahead. I just thought you were going somewhere very important, I didn't think you might feel like your journey had ended.

I'm sorry I didn't know you well enough to be able to put out my hand without having to say anything. I'm really sorry I still don't know you well enough to come round with biscuits and time.

I'm glad you have love, that the people in your life know and love you well enough to see when your face changes and you have been crying and to be able to hold you up when your feet don't know which way to go or you can't see the way.

I'm glad you know me as we are now, that I know you as we are now. I'm very glad I know you well enough to have shed some tears of my own for you, to have worried.

Sometimes I'm sorry I'm not enough like most people so that all the little things could be clear and obvious and I would know the right time to say the right thing.

Instead, I'm content that when you smile to greet me you mean it and we are pleased to see each other.

I'm sorry that today you will be crying and living through sadness filled with the light from a thousand gentle moments. When I see you again, I'll be able to see that, if not quite see your face.

I'm wishing you those gentle moments most of all.

Amanda




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