Skip to main content

You can't pack logic and common sense in the same bag

Sometimes a person can have so much logic that common sense won't fit. Or common sense pushes in and logic has to pop right out. There just doesn't seem to be enough room for both at the same time.

It's like this: your friend always packs their shopping bags the wrong way. One day you explain the right way and are absolutely sure you were subtle, calm and kind and that no feelings were hurt. Except then your friend is all touchy about it and snappy and makes out they know how to pack their bags.

(obviously they didn't know or else you wouldn't have had to tell them)

((but now they do))

Feelings were apparently hurt because those bags had been packed wrong all this time, or because your friend has no idea how to take good advice or because, um, maybe they really loved that old way of packing bags? I don't know but feelings were hurt despite your best efforts to approach the subject in a good way.

That's logic and logic kicks you every time when it comes to other people. Logically, your friend should want to know how to pack their bags and should definitely want to know if they have been doing it the wrong way their whole adult life. Logically you have done a good thing in making sure they now have unsquashed bread and finally understand about cross-contamination.

Later, usually much later, in fact usually after consulting with someone else, you discover your friend was upset because you were critical of them in a public place, ie the checkout, and wouldn't take their hint to keep it down and because they didn't seem to be listening you raised your voice and did that thing where you make sure you get your message across no matter what.

Once this is explained common sense makes a brief stopover, just long enough for you to have that familiar sinking feeling but not long enough to make any real difference.

For a period of time after the event you recognise that your behaviour, meant to be so logical and helpful, actually upset/embarrassed/annoyed your friend to the extent that you are now having to seriously consider apologising for being so helpful (it is a truly crazy world).

The best you can now hope for is that next time common sense will step in first and stop you before you get to the stage of using The Voice or even just stop you from talking altogether. You vow never to offer advice again, even though this will mean leaving your friends and family in ignorance and under threat of mistakes you could help them avoid.

This promise to yourself lasts only as long as the sinking feeling and is soon replaced by the happy acceptance, vague, very non-specific, that next time will be different because you now know not to upset your friend in that way.

The next time you go shopping together (it may be a long time) you will remember not to tell them how to pack their bags and you may even notice their nervous glances as they wait for you to say something. You will also notice their meat is now separate from the other food but they still like squashed bread.

And you will be delighted to find you can restore their trust completely by explaining how online shopping works so that they never again need to worry about not being able to pack their bags.


 A Guide to Your Aspie

 How to talk to your Aspie

My books and writing blog, with free stuff.
Find me on Facebook.and Twitter!

And my fairy blog!

Popular posts from this blog

A Guide to your Aspie

So, you have your new aspie and are wondering what to do with him/her. Depending on size and gender, some of these instructions may need to be followed with caution but we are confident that you will be able to get the best out of your aspie for many trouble-free years to come!

(Disclaimer: we are not responsible for any physical, emotional or financial harm that may come to you when following these instructions. Once unboxed, your aspie is not eligible for our guaranteed swappage and refurbishment policy. Please have a good look at the aspie through the window provided before unboxing).

1. Unbox carefully and without making physical contact with the aspie. Pull down the box using the flaps provided and allow them to step free by themselves.

2. Allow your aspie free rein, to explore their surroundings. For ease of capture, we recommend not unboxing in an area that is too large or too small. Open fields would not be suitable, unless you are a long distance runner. Small rooms are to b…

Aspies don't like surprises!

Interwoven in so many of my posts and comments about aspergers has been the notion of aspie reactions to life, the universe and everything. It always seems to be reactions, have you noticed that? The aspie, in defence as usual. This is because we don't often expect the outcomes we're presented with, so we do end up defending ourselves against yet another surprise.

This is why aspies don't like surprises - every blooming day has them and they're very rarely nice. I don't mean that every day I open the post and I've won the Reader's Digest draw or there is a bunch of flowers from a secret admirer on the front step. Neither do I mean that people shower me with unexpected compliments or the cake turns out better than expected.

No, I mean the kind of surprises that are small enough to act like bullets, slipping through the mithril vest of aspergers and into the defenseless heart.

The sort of surprise that happens in conversations with people who should know bett…

Spotting an aspie adult

Have you ever wondered how to spot an aspie adult, at a distance, without having to get too close? It would be so convenient, wouldn't it? To be able to detect the aspieness before you are drawn in, before there is any danger of becoming part of their mad world and waking up one morning, trying to work out where it all went wrong and what happened to all your socks.

Bearing in mind there are always exceptions that prove the rule, here is what you should look for.

In the supermarket I often wonder if I have spotted a fellow aspie. Walking along the aisles, it's easier to people watch than shop, usually because I've forgotten what I need. The supermarket is a good open space where you can spot aspies as they grapple with the complex practicalities of staying alive by food shopping.

The walk: Yes, from a distance or as they pass by, the walk is a dead giveaway. It seems to veer towards extremes, either a fast paced booster effect from A to B, or a meandering wander with no vi…