Talking, talking, talking.



Ask me anything and you'll get an answer. It might not be the answer you wanted or expected, but you won't leave empty-handed. And it might be some time before you get to leave as well.

I don't have a 'shut-up' filter so someone asking me a question is like a green light. I answer whatever seems good at the time and after this verbal roll of the dice I carry on. And on. You asked, right? You wanted to know? That green light you gave me probably turned to red a while ago but I haven't noticed.

Neither have I noticed the change in your face and by the time I do, I'm so far into my explanation that I gloss over the wriggling worm of doubt and strive to bring you back into my answer. It's a good answer, you're going to like it! Just keep listening.

This is why I can be so good at interviews. Doesn't matter if I'm nervous or not, a question is all it takes to fire me up and set me off. Being on high alert in an interview means I do leave gaps for other people to talk (we can do anything for 15 minutes), so my easy, occasionally random answers give an impression of confidence and make  me seem like a people person.

This is hilarious.

I am a people person, a few minutes at a time, if being a people person is talking without brakes and managing to keep your subject relevant (and relevance is very flexible). Otherwise, I am a runaway mouth powered by the belief that I can do most jobs if you just show me how.

The self-confidence lies in my innate belief in my ability to learn, not in my ability to communicate with other people.

It's all about discussion rather than communication. I love a discussion, cannot avoid one if offered, find it impossible to dodge a question and almost always have a ready answer - and sometimes that answer haunts me for days.

And then there are those times, so many, many times, when a person asks a question they don't want answered or they only want the answer they chose already. Oh dear, red rags and bulls. There's no way a question goes unanswered and if my answer happens to be different from what the asker wants, that's their bad luck.

Might they try to argue? To persuade? Go on then, you have your seconds while I hesitate to see what you want. Then I can go back to my opinion, thinking that you wanted it and not realising that my opinion had the wrong shape or I had answered a rhetorical question.

A question is one of the most simple ways to communicate with people. In the most dire social quagmire we can be saved by asking someone a question. It's a door you crank open and peek through. If someone else asks it means they want to have an answer, this is also simple.

So when I chat in public places and ask questions, I can learn about people I would be otherwise studying (possibly fearing) and make myself feel calm at the same time. The great side effect of this is that I end up talking to lots of different people who are often happy I have asked questions.

Being social can be as simple as asking a question or answering one. As always the difficult part is finding the subtle balance people expect from life. The answering of a question is fine; giving a full, honest answer is not usually expected.

People can be put off or don't understand what just happened. On the flipside, this is a wonderful way to find like minds.

The comfort, the creative common ground between two people who spy each other across an answer and know they are not strangers. This makes all the talking worthwhile.

Amanda



 A Guide to Your Aspie

 How to talk to your Aspie



My books and writing blog, with free stuff.
Find me on Facebook.and Twitter!


What face will you wear?



I thought I was impassive. I thought I walked this earth wearing the same face every day, only managing a proper, true expression in times of great feeling or by accident when I turned my ankle.

And then I tried making a test video for YouTube.

Yes, I know I was bound to be self-conscious and it wasn't exactly a reliable experiment but...

There's no two ways about it, I seem to have the Face Pulling.

It was like watching a Pixar movie only the dog didn't talk. Every inflection had a mouth shape all its own and when I really needed to make a point, my face made the point without needing the words. With the sound muted it could have been mime - and I hate mime.

Where did this come from? When did it start? Has it always been this way?

I know there have been plenty times when I wanted to show emotion and gave the performance of the leading stone at the Stone Awards. I could have wept when trying to express myself: not only did my face stay frozen, my voice also sounded flat and monotone.

Knowing these things to be true, where did the gurning, mouth-twisting, eye-balling creature on the video come from?

I can only assume I grew into it. At some point in the last few years, I must have shed enough inhibitions for the Real Me to burst free when I'm talking. (You know, I'd have appreciated a bit of warning).

It's rather like going through life thinking you're supposed to be Mary Poppins then catching sight of yourself in the mirror and realising you're actually the Wicked Witch of the West. The moment of horror as you see the real face looking back is very quickly replaced by the sense that now you know who you are, you can do anything.

Instead of flying by umbrella and dating chimney sweeps, I can live a single life full of many pets and do just what I like.

No, perhaps I'm getting carried away. Do I really want to make faces instead of hiding my emotions? Would I not rather keep my real self hidden and safe, private from these strangers and half-known friends who would see my every thought as I thunk it?

You know what? I'm so far past Mary Poppins these days that I don't mind if I show how I feel. Let them see it! If I think it, I can show it and what does it really matter?

Also, readers, this does explain why people are sometimes nervous of me. Now I know, I'll be sure not to frighten them anymore. Honest!

Heh heh!

Amanda


 A Guide to Your Aspie

 How to talk to your Aspie



My books and writing blog, with free stuff.
Find me on Facebook.and Twitter!