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Talking, talking, talking.



Ask me anything and you'll get an answer. It might not be the answer you wanted or expected, but you won't leave empty-handed. And it might be some time before you get to leave as well.

I don't have a 'shut-up' filter so someone asking me a question is like a green light. I answer whatever seems good at the time and after this verbal roll of the dice I carry on. And on. You asked, right? You wanted to know? That green light you gave me probably turned to red a while ago but I haven't noticed.

Neither have I noticed the change in your face and by the time I do, I'm so far into my explanation that I gloss over the wriggling worm of doubt and strive to bring you back into my answer. It's a good answer, you're going to like it! Just keep listening.

This is why I can be so good at interviews. Doesn't matter if I'm nervous or not, a question is all it takes to fire me up and set me off. Being on high alert in an interview means I do leave gaps for other people to talk (we can do anything for 15 minutes), so my easy, occasionally random answers give an impression of confidence and make  me seem like a people person.

This is hilarious.

I am a people person, a few minutes at a time, if being a people person is talking without brakes and managing to keep your subject relevant (and relevance is very flexible). Otherwise, I am a runaway mouth powered by the belief that I can do most jobs if you just show me how.

The self-confidence lies in my innate belief in my ability to learn, not in my ability to communicate with other people.

It's all about discussion rather than communication. I love a discussion, cannot avoid one if offered, find it impossible to dodge a question and almost always have a ready answer - and sometimes that answer haunts me for days.

And then there are those times, so many, many times, when a person asks a question they don't want answered or they only want the answer they chose already. Oh dear, red rags and bulls. There's no way a question goes unanswered and if my answer happens to be different from what the asker wants, that's their bad luck.

Might they try to argue? To persuade? Go on then, you have your seconds while I hesitate to see what you want. Then I can go back to my opinion, thinking that you wanted it and not realising that my opinion had the wrong shape or I had answered a rhetorical question.

A question is one of the most simple ways to communicate with people. In the most dire social quagmire we can be saved by asking someone a question. It's a door you crank open and peek through. If someone else asks it means they want to have an answer, this is also simple.

So when I chat in public places and ask questions, I can learn about people I would be otherwise studying (possibly fearing) and make myself feel calm at the same time. The great side effect of this is that I end up talking to lots of different people who are often happy I have asked questions.

Being social can be as simple as asking a question or answering one. As always the difficult part is finding the subtle balance people expect from life. The answering of a question is fine; giving a full, honest answer is not usually expected.

People can be put off or don't understand what just happened. On the flipside, this is a wonderful way to find like minds.

The comfort, the creative common ground between two people who spy each other across an answer and know they are not strangers. This makes all the talking worthwhile.

Amanda



 A Guide to Your Aspie

 How to talk to your Aspie



My books and writing blog, with free stuff.
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