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Do you have to care?



All the times and years and days of wondering if you can feel okay and fit right in...does it really matter? How would it be if you didn't care?

Not the blustering kind of not caring where you put on your best face and hurry past; the other kind where you go past because you were already going that way and-just-don't-care.

Not caring, not worrying or stopping to look back and see if it was all right this time. Not climbing into the car with that relieved sigh you keep for when something is almost over and you are on your way home. Let's just get in the car and go home.

Not looking sideways, edgeways, round your nose, over the top of the glasses, from under the fringe, behind the phone, round the display, out of your coat hood. None of it, just going by and being there and doing whatever you came to do and

it not even occurring to you to care.

Not caring, not being careful around others, not watching your words or what you wear, not trying to be this because there is no room, you are already being what you really always are.

No rebellion involved, no fancy thoughts of emotional freedom, mental strength or the other bull we feed ourselves in lonely hours trying to be real.

Just you as you were meant to be and me as I am, and Life as it was meant to be lived.

Don't care, don't cry about it, don't wonder if you got it right. If you fall up the steps, you fell, it doesn't matter if anyone saw you. It's the same with the rest of life, you go where you need to be, where you want to be and sometimes you fall right on your face.

If someone saw you, so what? Maybe they'll help you up. But don't start caring that someone saw you fall. No one puts the right foot forward every time.

Don't care, only be caring, be careful when you need to be, but mostly be careless and keep putting one foot in front of the other. You do that often enough, you learn how to walk without thinking.

Care only when it matters. The rest of the time, be care-free.

Amanda



 A Guide to Your Aspie

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