Skip to main content

Doing the easy stuff

I've tried really hard this week. (I sound like I'm writing myself a school certificate).

Amanda tried really hard this week - well done!

I'd walk out of school, gripping it tight - but not too tight, I don't want it to crease - and it would be stuck on the fridge at home so I would know I tried really hard, and had it recognised.

As adults, we don't often get certificates, and if we do they are usually for something much more concrete like Level 1 Diploma in Animal Husbandry or Certificate in Pond Digging (intermediate). Compliments take the place of the gold star or the school achievement papers. We try and sometimes people say we've done well, they're proud of us, they care.

Problem is, as adults we are expected to do well without trying. Actually, no, I'm getting ahead of myself : we're expected to cope with normal life without trying. The difference between these two is a chasm sometimes.

I did well today. I managed mostly everything, and also ate, slept and went for a walk. I also did extra stuff, fitted things in, remembered errands that would make my life easier. But then, I also...

...forgot to call for my parcel at my sister's, mixed up timings for lessons, had to go for my old cat's food at the end of the day when I was so tired I could hardly think straight because I wasn't organised enough during the day.

It took so much effort to do the ordinary stuff, the ABC portions of the day, there was only a tiny bit left over for the extras. This meant I remembered one of them and forgot the rest - and the one I remembered (of course!) was food for my old cat.

Effort. Amanda put in real effort today - fridge. Amanda remembered her socks today - fridge? Amanda deconstructed a never-read Seamus Heaney poem and explained Imtiaz Dharker - not fridge, everyone expects this of me as standard.

There's the problem! It's not my Aspergers making life difficult after all, it's my easy ability with the floating, weaving, essentially creative nature of life that makes all he raw, sock-remembering parts of the day so tricky.

Seamus, yes please, and I don't care how awkward the poem is. Seamus feels like a grumpy old friend who I could speak to in the middle of the night and we'd forget it was by moonlight. Imtiaz - I love you, Imtiaz! Her poems are all about the weaving parts of life, the ordinary objects floating past, shielding us from what lies behind and making it hard to place where we should be amongst them all.

Remembering my socks and the parcel from my sister's? Who has room for that? I want to have room for it: I notice much later whether my feet are warm and cold and only then know if I did remember the socks. And, much later, get a confused text from my sister, wondering if she missed my knock at the door.

Amanda forgot her priorities today: that might as well be painted on the fridge rather than stuck on it. Yet, I don't feel that bad about those missed priorities.

The essentially creative nature of life swirls about me like one of Imtiaz's harder poems, full of familiar words but written in such a way that you have to close your eyes to see them in the right order.

Let it swirl, let it become so much a part of my atmosphere that I live in it like I finally got the balance right and know I was meant to breathe in this shining, starstruck air.

Let me remember the petrol before the car starts flashing at me from the reserve tank next time.

Amanda remembered today - well done!


 A Guide to Your Aspie

 How to talk to your Aspie

My books and writing blog, with free stuff

Find me on Facebook.and Twitter!

Visit me on Patreon to see new work first

Popular posts from this blog

A Guide to your Aspie

So, you have your new aspie and are wondering what to do with him/her. Depending on size and gender, some of these instructions may need to be followed with caution but we are confident that you will be able to get the best out of your aspie for many trouble-free years to come!

(Disclaimer: we are not responsible for any physical, emotional or financial harm that may come to you when following these instructions. Once unboxed, your aspie is not eligible for our guaranteed swappage and refurbishment policy. Please have a good look at the aspie through the window provided before unboxing).

1. Unbox carefully and without making physical contact with the aspie. Pull down the box using the flaps provided and allow them to step free by themselves.

2. Allow your aspie free rein, to explore their surroundings. For ease of capture, we recommend not unboxing in an area that is too large or too small. Open fields would not be suitable, unless you are a long distance runner. Small rooms are to b…

It's not my birthday

Un-birthday, non-birthday, just another day - all of them sound better than saying, 'It's my birthday'.
Birthdays are regular, inescapable events that roll round, bringing with them the equally regular and inescapable expectations of other people.
"What are you doing for your birthday?"
"What are you getting for your birthday?"
"Are you treating yourself? We went away to Paris for my birthday and next year I'm getting Jim an experience day on a helicopter."
I know that last one is quite specific, but people do very specific, special things for their birthday, often trying to top what has gone before or create dramatic experiences to celebrate coming, screaming into this world.
For my birthday I am always reminded of the Hobbit approach to birthdays where the birthday person is expected to arrange a big party for everyone and buy presents for all the people in their life. I actually like (LOVE) the idea of giving other people presents inst…

Spotting an aspie adult

Have you ever wondered how to spot an aspie adult, at a distance, without having to get too close? It would be so convenient, wouldn't it? To be able to detect the aspieness before you are drawn in, before there is any danger of becoming part of their mad world and waking up one morning, trying to work out where it all went wrong and what happened to all your socks.

Bearing in mind there are always exceptions that prove the rule, here is what you should look for.

In the supermarket I often wonder if I have spotted a fellow aspie. Walking along the aisles, it's easier to people watch than shop, usually because I've forgotten what I need. The supermarket is a good open space where you can spot aspies as they grapple with the complex practicalities of staying alive by food shopping.

The walk: Yes, from a distance or as they pass by, the walk is a dead giveaway. It seems to veer towards extremes, either a fast paced booster effect from A to B, or a meandering wander with no vi…